What a week. Exhausted. I crashed on the couch… I woke at 4am on Sunday, and my TV was still on. I looked up and there was preaching, screaming, dancing, people in a trance… a big band was playing. Somebody passed out.
I drifted asleep. I woke; I drifted… I… I swear somebody was speaking to me. Dazed, but I heard the words: ‘Mike, here are Droptober’s 10 Commandments of Health and Fitness. Through you they shall hear me.’
First Moses; now me. I’m honoured to have been chosen. Sans mountain and granite tablet… Droptober’s 10 Commandments of Health and Fitness are:
1) Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbours Cake. Control your portions and stop eating so much. You don’t need more. You had yours, and you don’t need another serving. Portion control is key to a healthy life. Eat less.
2) Thou Shall Not Seek Shortcuts. Pills, powders, diets, and Ab Dominators for $49.95 over three easy payments? Please. You might be sent to Health and Fitness Hell.
3) Thou Shall Listen to Your Body. Missing work cause you’re sick? Got gout? Scatter bombing the toilet, and your skin is unsightly? Your body speaks to you. These are signs, and these are the small jabs to the chin. The next messages are uppercuts like diabetes and heart disease. And they hurt. Listen early, and make changes as soon as possible or the knockout punch is coming.
4) Thou Shall Drink Water. Energy drinks, fruit juices, fizzy and sports drinks – you drink them because marketing has you in its grasp. You. Are. Weak. Toughen up by turning on the faucet, and get some water in your body. Water works.
5) Thou Shall Lose Weight. 14 million Australians are overweight. Obesity costs Australia $120 billion per year. By 2025, 80% of Aussies will be overweight. Are you kidding me? We have the sun, the water, fresh fish, and too much land to run… Lose some weight before diabetes becomes the common cold. It’s coming, so start tomorrow.
6) Thou Shall Not Seek Perfection. Stop waiting for Hollywood to call. None of us will make next month’s glossy mag cover. Be healthy and be happy – look good in your best pair of jeans and a t-shirt. That’s the goal, and we can all get there.
7) Thou Shall Control Your Booze. Be classy, not a drunk idiot. Men, be gentlemen. Ladies, be ladies.
8) Thou Shall Exercise. In the gym, bedroom, on the beach and playground…our bodies were meant to move. With aggression. Strength. Passion. Sweat, swear, laugh, and get moving. You must exercise.
9) Thou Shall be a Man, not a Boy…a Woman not a Girl. A man should be able to drop and give 20 push ups, and all parties should stop grocery shopping like kids with credit cards. You built it, you live in it; so you own it – change your body.
10) Thou Shall Not Make Excuses. ‘I don’t have time. I don’t have the energy. Nothing works for me.’ Excuses are cliché and boring. Move your body. Feed your body with healthy food. Find a way to get it done.
I felt a breeze; a bright light. A bonus commandment…
11) Thou Shall Cut the Bullshit. If you forget 1-10, just focus on #11. Turn off the bullshit television. Stop sleeping outside for the next telephone. Bullshit video games? Please. Teach your children a healthy lifestyle. Don’t be an obesity statistic. Be better than bullshit. You know exactly what you should do.
The 11th commandment was mine; I admit it. But hey, that’s like 10% extra grams of protein in your drink box. What value, eh?
With tongue firmly placed in cheek… Amen. And join Droptober at http://www.droptober.com and change your life in 31 Days in October.